We’ve arrived at the time of year where it’s NFL rivalry week. Unfortunately, we couldn’t catch up Music City Miraclesbut we caught up with one of their local competitors when we reached base with Wedge Fickus of the Possum Holler Tribune. They’re not on the internet yet, but they’re on the way and will likely launch by the end of the decade. Fickus is the winner of the prestigious Golden Marisupial Award for Journalistic Excellence. We caught up with him on a beautiful day to ask him five questions about the state of the Titans.
Battle Red Blog: How do you feel about Robert Saleh as a head coach so far?
Wedge Fickus: That guy sure could coach them, but he didn’t get Jimmy and Joes. He has a great chucker there, but no good runners or guys to catch these chucks from the chucker. We keep getting these people who can coach them, but we can’t find people who can actually do something. Give Saleh a good five seasons and I’m sure they can get up to five wins in that span.
BRB: You mentioned Cam Ward. Do you think he is one of the elite quarterbacks in the NFL?
WF: Dammit boy, stop your high falutin’ terminology for their players. He is a chucker. I’m sure you and your numbers would say no, but Ward can chuck that football and he can run it too. I think you call those fancy city slickers a dual threat quarterback. I’ve heard stories that he can dance a soft lick and even sing, so he’s a quadruple threat in my book. The problem is that no one can catch his chucks and we always play behind because we are the Titans.
BRB: Are there any new faces we should be concerned about in this match?
WF: What is this Nicolas Cage motif guy? Doesn’t anyone change faces here in Possum Holler. Let’s go with the face that the good lord gave us. Carnell Tate is a great chuck catcher who has caught 22 balls for over 300 yards early going. My fancy counting skills tell me that could be over 500 yards by Christmas. That would make him the best chuck catcher in Titans history damn near. The rest of the picks are on the interior or defensive side of the pigskin, so we don’t pay too much attention to the boys. We just need more chuck catchers.
BRB: Who are Titans fans most excited to lose in the division and who do you think will win the AFC South?
WF: You guys in the bayou country really annoy us with your incessant need to wear the Columbia Blue that we have so fairly earned. Sure, we didn’t keep the name and we sure didn’t really celebrate the history, but those damn colors represent excellence and achievement you’ll never understand. Think of all the great teams in Titans history. Just think of them dammit. You guys want to keep the damn colors because you’ve had them for 37 years. Even your poor local UH school kids use those colors. We enjoy beating your ass every time. I don’t care what your fancy notes say, we own you here at Possum Holler. As for the division, I want to blush with Glitter Kitties in Jacktown. That chucker they got there has nice hair I’ll tell you what. and that’s a team with a few chuck catchers and at least one that plays some edge defense. Who wouldn’t like that?
BRB: Fanduel favors the Texans by 7.5 points even though both teams are winless entering. How do you see the game going and is there any prop bet you feel comfortable recommending?
WF: Prop bets? We’re not doing any Hollywood stuff here. I think you can bet there are some balls on that sideline and maybe a fan to keep the players cool. Those are some props you can bet on. As for the game, I’m all for my boys. Columbia blue represents an excellence that the men of Houston will never understand. I don’t care how many times you’ve beaten us in the last three years. Ward will pop that ball and probably run it too and we’ll take the game 35-31 in a thrilling back-and-forth battle. The Houston boys will cry all the way home and finally take their rightful place in last place in the division. Oh, my assistant tells me that prop bets are side bets. You guys should stop with the fancy terminology. I like these teams to 37.5 points because no defense can stop chuckers.
We’d like to thank Wedge for taking the time to speak with us and answer our questions about the Titans. As always, we’d like to wish Wedge and the Titans the best of luck this season and hope the luck starts on Monday. Be sure to look in every basket and on every porch for your copy of the Possum Holler Tribune because they hope to be on the world wide web by the year 2030.